Three Suggestions for Next Spidey

After trusted movie reporter/ubergeek Drew McWeeny (the former Moriarty for Ain’t It Cool News) declared yesterday that actor Logan Lerman of “Percy Jackson” fame would be playing Spiderman in a proposed franchise reboot, Mike Fleming of Deadline rushed to contradict his claim.

…insiders at Sony say that the young actor is not getting the role. In fact, these sources were very definitive in denying the story, and were sure that Lerman was 100% not going to be Spidey and that he is not on the list of candidates being seriously considered for the new film that will be directed by (500) Days of Summer helmer Marc Webb.


Webb, if you recall, is also the director being courted to replace Ivan Reitman on “Ghostbusters 3”. Now he’s apparently doing a fourth “Spiderman” movie with a new actor and GEEZ THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST.

Look, we can all agree that “Spiderman 3” wasn’t very good. And I know the reboot bug has now taken over Hollywood in the wake of what Christopher Nolan did for the “Batman” franchise. But I don’t know if I’m really ready for a wholesale overhaul of “Spiderman” just yet. The first one came out just nine years ago. And now we’re going to do it all over again? I dunno. Couldn’t they have sucked it up, paid Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi, and made a fourth Spidey flick that was, you know, just better than the last one?

Regardless, Sony is going to do what Sony is going to do. They’re looking for someone fresh and hip. So, to that end, I propose they go all out and hire one of the three people listed below.

JUSTIN BIEBER! I dunno if he can act, but what hair! It’s almost like he’s British! And the gals just love him. Sure, I’d like to punch him in the face, but that kind of guy is a real commodity in Hollywood right now.

TYLER LAUTNER! Robert Pattinson may not be Spiderman, but Tyler sure can be! Look at his abs! His abs can outact you any day of the week! Sure, he’s basically an American Apparel model who can barely talk. But again, ABS.

TAYLOR SWIFT! Hey, who said Spiderman had to be a MAN? If you’re gonna reboot this thing, reboot it all the way. Haven’t you heard “You Belong to Me”? It has the soul of Peter Parker, I tell you.

That’s it. That’s the list. Sure, Sony could just hire Maguire again, or hire someone who can actually act and convincingly portray a normal but gifted high school student. Perhaps they’ll do that in the THIRD reboot of the franchise. Look for it three months from now!

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