Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and practice your wizarding spells. That mug WILL turn into a rat if you stare at it long enough. LET’S GO!
IDOL GIVES BACK – 8:00PM (FOX) I like that Idol’s annual charity show is titled “Idol Gives Back,” given that Idol has taken so very much away from us. It’s taken away our musical taste, our ability to distinguish between talented artists and wedding singers, our hope for another John Lennon one day, and so on. They really DO owe us all something in return for pillaging our souls. So tonight, you get performances from Elton John, Annie Lennox, Carrie Underwood, Alicia Keys, the Black Eyed Peas, and Jeff Beck with Joss Stone. Not a bad lineup. Best of all, you get to see one of this season’s scrubs knocked off at the end. No more Andrew Garcia? Why, that’s the most charitable act of all. ANTICIPATION: TELETHONIC!
SOUTH PARK – 10:00PM (Comedy Central) Last week’s episode ended with a cliffhanger, and now we’re left to wonder… who is Eric Cartman’s REAL father? Is it Mr. Hat? Is it Slave? Is it Jimbo? Is it Mel Gibson? Is it Hitler? Is it Colonel Sanders? Truthfully, I don’t care. All I care about is watching Cartman get angry. It never gets old. 201 episodes is proof. ANTICIPATION: HIGH
TOP CHEF MASTERS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) The chefs have to make pub food. Is there a modern take on potato and pig tooth loaf that will appeal to today’s diner? I say… eh maybe not. ANTICIPATION: DREW WANT BEER
STRANGE SEX – 8:00PM (TLC) A profile of extreme sexual disorders and anomalies. I’ll confess now: I too have a bizarre sexual disorder. That’s right. I have a hot air balloon fetish. So light. So airy. So DANGEROUS. I cannot stay away. ANTICIPATION: KINKY!
DESTINATION TRUTH – 10:00PM (SyFy – an NBC/Universal network) Tonight, the team tries to unlock the secret of Easter Island. The secret? If you stick your head in one of the statues mouths and take a pic, all your FaceBook buddies will find it HILARIOUS. Look at me, man! The giant head is eating MY head! ANTICIPATION: HEADY GOODNESS