Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and prepare for Oprah’s farewell party. Remember: Gwynnie Paltrow won’t eat anything that wasn’t grown within a five-foot radius, and Gayle King only eats PayDay bars. It could just be the pickiest after party crowd in celebritydom. LET’S GO!
GLEE – 8:00PM (FOX) This is your final week left of season finales, so breathe it in, folks. Take in all the new episodes while you can, until summer hits and we’re stuck with 3-hour blocks of “Wipeout.” Tonight, the New Directions folks head on over to New York for their final episode, and much singing and dancing ensues. Patti LuPone is your guest star, and there will be a cover version of Sinatra’s “New York New York,” mashed up with Madonna’s “I Love New York,” and it will all be autotuned and choreographed to within an inch of its life just for you. There will also be a tune from “Wicked.” Like this show would ever shy away from showtunes. ANTICIPATION: LAST GLEE!
DANCING WITH THE STARS – 9:00PM (ABC) Another big finale. Who will prevail among the final three this evening? Will it be Kirstie Alley? Will it be NFL wideout Hines Ward? Or will it be Chelsea Kane, who I’ve never heard of until now but seems reasonably not unattractive? You’ll have to wait until tonight’s two-hour(!) showdown to find out. Plus you get guest performances from the Go-Gos and the Black Eyed Peas to break up the long clip montages. ANTICIPATION: DANCEY!
BULLS/HEAT – 8:30PM (TNT) It’s Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals this evening, and if the Heat win we’re looking at a probable rematch of the 2005 Finals between the Heat and Mavericks. Quick! Someone get me a crooked ref with deep gambling debts! ANTICIPATION: HIGH!
RIVER MONSTERS: UNHOOKED – 10:00PM (Animal Planet) Scouting giant eels. Mmmm… eels. Ever have eel/avocado sushi? Quite tasty. Whatever sauce it is they put on the eel, I want to bathe in it. ANTICIPATION: EELECTRIC!
CHOPPED – 10:00PM (Food Network) Your appetizers tonight must include duck hearts. Duck hearts? Well, that’s just daffy. ANTICIPATION: TASTES LIKE EEL!