After the startling discovery on my last birthday that I am now old enough to be eligible for the presidency, I started eliminating red meat from my regular diet. (A shocked friend immediately asked, “But what about Five Guys?!”) So I was thrilled to discover Canned Unicorn Meat, a healthy alternative I planned to make part of my diet.
Alas, like unicorns themselves, the delicacy turned out to be but an elusive fantasy. It’s just one of the awesome products offered by Fairfax-based ThinkGeek, my go-to place for birthday gifts for smart friends who don’t actually need anything. No one in Virginia is capturing, slaying, and canning unicorns.
But the National Pork Board doesn’t seem to know that. They had their lawyers send ThinkGeek a 12-page cease and desist letter, demanding that the product be stripped of its slogan “Unicorn: The New White Meat.”
ThinkGeek apologized, saying, “It was never our intention to cause a national crisis and misguide American citizens regarding the differences between the pig and the unicorn. In fact, ThinkGeek's canned unicorn meat is sparkly, a bit red, and not approved by any government entity.”
The company also points out that “other than the Pork Board, we do more than anybody else to promote pig consumption among geeks” -- offering such products as bacon soap and bacon-flavored envelopes.