Testicle Testers in Dupont Circle

More humiliating for dog or man?

By Chris Needham
|  Tuesday, Oct 13, 2009  |  Updated 11:06 AM EDT
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Testicle Testers in Dupont Circle

Ann Marie Lynch

You want to put your hands WHERE?

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Anyone who's watched "Dirty Jobs" on TV can assure you that sometimes sitting in an office for eight hours a day isn't the worst job in the world.  D.C. might soon be looking to hire for the worst  and nuttiest job in D.C., reports Borderstan.

What's that job? Dog testicle tester.

Why does D.C. need to know whether Fifi is a he-he or a she-she?   Apparently non-neutered dogs just don't know how to play nice.  Some say the new Dupont Circle dog park at 17th and S is turning into some male-dominated, hump-filled nest of debauchery.

So now some residents (save the feminist jokes, please) are trying to keep non-neutered dogs out of the park.  And just like in college (save the feminist jokes, please) there's a public meeting on this and other boring governance issues at 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Jewish Community Center at 1529 16th Street NW.

D.C. Parks and Recreation Commissioner Bob Meehan tells the Dupont Current that "[a]s far as I know, the request is not to prevent puppies but to prevent injury."

Overly aggressive be-testicled males wandering around Dupont Circle's parks?  That's not doing anything to quell unfair stereotypes.

But if they are going to check Bowser's package to keep him out of the park, who exactly is going to do it?  Will that be a city employee?  Borderstan raises a number of other serious (sort of) questions, including:

"What about male dogs with fluffy and/or long hair that cover their gonads? Will there be a person at the entrance who will lift up the dog’s tail and rummage around looking for the male dog’s gonads?"

Times are tough all around, but the prospect of that particular nutty job probably isn't compelling you to update the ol' resume.

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