The Stalking of William And Mary

College's new mascot will not be asparagus

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Really, William and Mary? You don’t want an asparagus as a mascot? Is it too much to ask for a mascot that promotes healthy eating or at least pairs well with roasted chicken? Really? You’d rather have a pug or a griffin representing your school?

    In case you got lost in this rant, let me catch you up. The College of William and Mary will announce its new mascot this afternoon.

    The NCAA ruled that its current mascot – which includes green and gold feathers – could be offensive to Native Americans. William and Mary already changed its nickname from the Indians to the Tribe back in the 1980s.

    The college could have just come up with a name on its own, but it decided to have a little fun and hold a mascot search contest. It received more than 400 nominations, including a briard (a fluffy dog) and an asparagus stalk.

    That brings us to the present.

    William and Mary has whittled down the list of possible mascots to five finalists: a pug, a griffin, a phoenix, a wren, and a king and queen. These are all fine choices, but none of them have the grace, the elegance, and the flavor you get from a stalk of asparagus.

     And you can’t steam any of the finalists either.

    UPDATE:  William and Mary selected a griffin as its new mascot.