Zimm Loves Money More Than Fans
Nats 3B will sign for you -- for a price
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$250! Do I hear $250 for a game-used bat? Going once. Going twice. Sold to the sucker in the Nats jersey!
Ryan Zimmerman loves his fans. Especially the ones with money.
The Nats come north on Saturday, playing an exhibition game against the hated Baltimore Orioles at Nats Park.
Prior to the game, the team is having a season ticket holder appreciation day, where the suckers who ponied up big bucks for full season tickets get to traipse around with the players.
Stan Kasten's sure to have stands open so fans can buy T-shirts and hot dogs -- think of the revenue-generation possibilities!
Also, players and coaches will be around to pose for pictures and sign autographs.
Well, most of 'em.
Not the "Face of the Franchise," Ryan Zimmerman.
Oh, you can pose with him as he feigns interest, but if your Little Billy wants him to sign his program, oh, no. He won't do it.
Why? Cause Little Billy didn't break open his piggy bank.
Zimm apparently has an exclusive signing agreement for one of those tacky memorabilia companies that'll sell you a fake memory for the right price.
Maybe the $3 million signing bonus, nor the approximately $400K per year he's made (not to mention the impending multi-million dollar deal he could sign any day) aren't enough. He's gotta bleed the fans a bit more.
If Little Billy wants Zimmerman to sign a ball, it'll be $99.99.
That too much for you? Well, how 'bout an autographed picture. That's only $69.99.
Seventy bucks for a stupid picture? For that much, you'd think the money-loving thirdbaseman could at least pretend to look interested when he signs it.
Wouldn't you have a smile that extends from Richmond to Baltimore if someone paid you that much to sign your name?
So if you're going to the event this weekend -- or even if you're bringing Little Billy to a game later this season -- prepare the kid in advance.
It's a good lesson. Athletes, like most people in life, value money above all else. The sooner Billy learns it, the easier life gets.
Chris Needham used to write Capitol Punishment. He only owns one signed thingamabob.
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