Ovie's Conformist Tramp Stamp

Don't we demand more from our superstars?

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    "Hey lady, how does my tattoo look?"

    While you spent your summer vacation working 60 hours a week so you could take a measly week off to lug the family to an overcrowded beach, Alex Ovechkin clearly had more time on his hands.

    First, he palled around with a bunch of supermodels. Now, this.

    Like the drunken fratboys wandering up and down the Ocean City boardwalk or the as-drunk women they're ogling and trying to pick up, Ovie got a tattoo. Well, two of 'em, as Puck Daddy noted.

    Did he go for the cliched barbed wire 'round the arm? Nope. Think lower. Butterflies on the ankle? Nope. Think higher.

    Yeah, he got a tramp stamp. Did we mention there were two of 'em?

    His tattoo is of two eastern characters -- Japanese? Chinese? Korean? What do they mean? He's not saying, telling Sovetsky Sport "I will tell them that this is the mystery of the 21st century. Let the media pick their brains and come up with explanations. It's so that they don't get bored in the summer when there is no hockey."

    Alrighty then.

    Trying to decode what Ovie's two just-above-his-butt tattoos are can fill (so to speak) any juvenile mind with any number of inappropriate jokes -- some even involving Sid Crosby.

    But if your inner fourth-grader is hoping for one of them, sorry -- at least if Hanzi Smatter is right.  They've taken their best stab at the pictures and concluded that his two tramp stamps probably say "family" and "life."

    Boooooooring.

    As if the cliche of the tattoo and the cliche of the Asian-influenced characters weren't enough, they're about the most tiresome cliches of family and life?

    What a letdown.  We expect more from our flashy superstars; we really do!  Just wait until he pops the collar of his pink polo; his transformation into full-on comformity will be complete.