Get on the phone to the Mayor's Office! Let's get those giant "Number 14!" banners hanging from every lamppost from Tenleytown to Anacostia.
The Sporting News released its annual best sports cities list, and, well, it's not good for the District. D.C. fell out of the top 10, all the way down to 14. There's no shame in that, right? That's still solidly major league, isn't it?
Nashville and Atlanta are better sports cities? Really?
One team has a popular football team and a hockey team that nobody really can figure out. The other is known for its fair-weather fans -- fans who couldn't even bring themselves out to see Chipper Jones and Bobby Cox give, perhaps, one last pennant push.
Those are better than D.C.?
Say what you will about Danny Snyder, but the Redskins are loved, L-O-V-E-D in this town. No matter what, the fans are going to show up, enriching Mr. Snyder, while they root for the team they're hardwired to cheer for.
And the Caps? No owner in sport is better than Teddy. And no player in the game is better than Ovie! The Phone Booth is packed with red-wearing, hockey-crazy fans every single night!
That's not better than Atlanta or Tennessee?
Wait... there are other teams in D.C.? "What about the Wiz?" you ask. Hmmm. OK, we'll concede your point.
And the Nats? Gah. We almost forgot about them.
So in the end, D.C. has one great team, one loved but mediocre institution, one injury-prone, could-be-decent team, and the crapfest that is the Nats.
OK, maybe No. 14 is just about right.