"Damn ... Six Flags stock is down again and this Johnny Rockets burger is making my stomach hurt ... better buy the Wizards."
Most people like the idea of a free-spending owner, as long as the right management is in place and said owner doesn't meddle. But knowing what we know about Dan Snyder, who seems to epitomize the worst in each category, would the fruitless Wizards be any better off with him as owner?
The first consideration is that the NBA doesn't have the same pull in D.C. as good ol' fashioned football. Snyder would not be able to line his pockets by gouging fans while remaining confident that they'd keep coming back for more.
But build a winner and they will come. Sideline antics and tiffs with Kenyon Martin notwithstanding, Dallas Mavs owner Mark Cuban has followed a simple formula of luring talent with lucrative contracts and top notch facilities, often recruiting free-agents like a college booster who knows no bounds.
In contrast, Knicks owner Jim Dolan seems to believe that the clout of the Big Apple and allure of Madison Square Garden compensates for irresponsible spending and the inept management of former employee Isiah Thomas (I'm sure hiring the guy who ruined the CBA sounded like a good idea at the time).
Where would Snyder fit? Going off his historical blueprint, under him the Wizards would be overspending on headline-grabbing players on the downside of their career or high-risk untouchables. Kind of like when the franchise traded the youthful potential of Richard Hamilton for Jerry Stackhouse, or Rasheed Wallace for Rod Strickland, or a lottery pick for Mark Price, or Chris Webber for Mitch Richmond -- but much worse.
So the Redskins' Adam Archuleta, Bruce Smith, Brandon Lloyd and Deion Sanders becomes the Wizards trying to graciously "pry" the oft-injured, never has really gotten out the first round of the playoffs, Tracy McGrady and the $22+ million he's slated to make next year from Houston.
Or the Wiz need a fat post player, right? Eddy Curry is only making $21+ million over the next two seasons. Surely the Knicks would have no qualms about trading him to D.C. for a high draft pick.
What about Zach Randolph? He's got guns and a duffel bag full of issues. Two years and $33+ million from the Clippers doesn't seem that steep of a price.
Free-agents Rasheed Wallace and Allen Iverson are available and would be right up Snyder's alley. Wallace is threatening retirement if he doesn't make at least $8 million next season, and Iverson is also saying he'd rather retire than find a way to help a potential team by coming off the bench. Sounds like a couple ideal team players to me. Sign them both!
Jason Kidd is an unrestricted FA and running on fumes ... perfect for an ownership vessel surrounded by inept loyal front office tugboats dragging the company line. Or hello!? Free-agent Carlos Boozer has only played in more than 70 games three times in his 8-year career and is allergic to defense. Give him a bonus!
Rest assured Wizards fans, Abe Pollin and the patient Ernie Grunfeld know better than to go chasing off-season paper championship fools gold (hopefully...some believe that signing Gilbert Arenas was a Snyder-esque move). Still, be thankful that Dan Snyder isn't running operations in the Phone Booth. The Wizards would be just as bad, and you'd have a lot less money in your pocket.