ESPN Columnist Wants To Fleece Wizards

Bill Simmons has illusions of running an NBA team like a fantasy league

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    NEWSLETTERS

    NBAE/Getty Images
    Big Ern won't be played for a fool.

    ESPN.com's Bill Simmons is like the Dane Cook of sports columnists. He started out with a buzz that got all the cool kids cooking, his insights on the NBA usually leaving hoop heads wanting more. But lately, he's become less interesting to the point where most don't care about the Boston-laced clam chowder spewing from his scribed hacks.

    Simmons continues to politick for an NBA general manager job, last year's failed target being the Milwaukee Bucks, and the latest team to deny the Sports Guy being the Minnesota Timberwolves. Despite an endorsement for Simmons from T'Wolves blog, Canis Hoopus, 'Sota opted for David Kahn, a former Indiana Pacers GM and NBDL owner.

    A national columnist as GM of an NBA team would certainly be a "cute" experiment. And Simmons would probably have some refreshing innovations, such as his ideas of connecting with fans by dazzling them with free dinners and ticket refunds should the team fail expectations.

    Simmons also has the inflated ego to compete with the best of them, thinking that a GM job is much easier than it looks and assuming that sales of theTimberwolves brand will skyrocket simply because of his presence. But Simmons can't expect to match wits with his counterparts by continuing to toss insults their way. Such actions will only get him black-balled in a strategic game of NBA GM cut-throat.

    In a Q&A session with Michael Rand of the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune, Simmons specifically targets three GMs that he'd like to "fleece": Chris Wallace, GM of the Memphis Grizzlies; Mike Dunleavy, Coach/GM of the LA Clippers; and Ernie Grunfeld, GM of the hometown Wizards.

    "[Ernie Grunfeld is] panicking and that whole franchise is panicking, they are a dumb blockbuster trade waiting to happen," said Simmons.

    Grunfeld panicking? Please. If this were the case, he would have jettisoned Caron Butler or Antawn Jamison before February's trade deadline. Grunfled is 'The Closer'. He fleeces teams for the likes of Caron Butler for Kwame Brown, not the other way around.

    Simmons claims that he is 93% serious about procuring an NBA GM position. But to assume that GMs are out there ready to be taken for fools just because of past mistakes, or in the Wizards' case, a cruel dose of injuries, screams uneducated insincerity.

    Good luck with your auspicious endeavors Mr. Simmons, but when it comes to fleecing Grunfeld and the Wizards, don't bother calling, writing, texting, blogging, or tweeting, it will only get you as far as your illusions.
     

    Kyle Weidie is a D.C. resident who writes Truth About It and contributes to Bullets Forever, both Washington Wizards blogs.