Before you shake the Bird's wing, keep in mind that Baltimore still has some of the highest syphillis rates in the country.
So it begins. The ancient rivalry is renewed. City against city. Team against team. Feathered mascot against feathered mascot. Are you ready for Orioles/Nationals?
The so-called Battle of the Beltways begins tonight, starting with a three-game series at Nats Park. We've got 495. They've got 695. They've got the Key Bridge. We've got Wilson and the Legion.
But Beltways? Really? Commuters in Montgomery County probably have days where they'd willingly cede the concrete parking lot to their friends from the north.
The series should not be about those paved circles, but the road that unites us, the BW Parkway. The winner of the series should get the Gladys Noon Spellman Cup, a trophy named for the former congresswoman whose name is now own the Parkway.
Truthfully, it's not much of a rivalry. Some die-hard Nats fans seethe at the idea of the orange and black, but it's not so much Bawlmer they hate, but the team's jowly owner, Peter "C. Montgomery" Angelos.
But that hatred of Angelos doesn't make the rivalry; far too many Bird-brained fans hate the ol' billionaire weasel just as much. If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, are Nats and Os fans BFFs 4 EVR?
The rivalry's always going to be a bit artificial, at least until the teams start getting good. The world yawns when a last place team meets a last place team.
With the way they're both playing this season -- even as there's a glimmer of hope with both sides -- there might be even less buzz than usual.
Rich Hill versus Jordan Zimmermann. Koji Uehara against Ross Detwiler. Yawn. And for a finale, someone called Brad Bergesen against Shairon Martis? Can you feel the excitement?
If you do, careful. It might just be gas.
Chris Needham used to write Capitol Punishment. He's not looking forward to the fans shouting "O!" during the anthem.