No one ever believes football coaches who say they’re quitting to spend more time with their family. I think coaches believe this only at the moment they’re quitting. Then three days pass by and they’re stuck at home bored to death and realize they don’t like their family all that much. I’d be much more inclined to believe a coach if he said, “I’m quitting this place and spending the rest of my life drinking and boating, Jimmy Johnson style.” That I would get on board with. Otherwise, your average football coach makes Brett Favre look downright decisive, especially Meyer, who tried this thing once already and lasted a grand total of four seconds.
Anyway, one thing I do believe about Meyer is that he won’t be back in football in 2011. He’ll take that year, maybe do some TV, and laugh it up with Mark May on an ESPN set until he secretly wants to punch May in the face. We’ve all been there. But once he’s had enough rest and his head stops exploding in pain every week or so, he’s going right back into football. Oh, you think it’s not true Urban, but it is. YOU’LL BE BACK. THEY ALL COME CRAWLING BACK.
The question is, once Meyer decides to come back, where will he go? Well, there’s no point in going back to college ball, seeing as he already conquered that particular summit. No, Meyer is gonna wind up coaching on Sundays. Now, people immediately linked Meyer to the open Denver job once he quit, seeing as how his precious Tim Tebow is there waiting for him with open arms. But that idea has already been shot down in numerous places. To figure out where Meyer might go in 2012, we need to look beyond this year’s NFL turnover and project the NEXT year of firings and resignations. With that in mind, I think you could find Meyer in one of the following places:
New England: Meyer and Bill Belichick have been tight for ages, and if Belichick ever wants to leave football for good to spend more time dating married women, then I bet Meyer would be among those he’d potentially handpick to succeed him.
Cleveland: Meyer is an Ohio native, so going to the Browns would represent a homecoming of sorts. Also, Eric Mangini is probably getting one more year from Mike Holmgren. But that year is gonna come with a demand for significant improvement, and not just this year’s moral victory parade.
Green Bay: Let’s say Mike McCarthy again fails to get over the hump with this squad for the next two years. Is Ted Thompson gonna tolerate that, or will he turn his gifted young QB over a man with the ambition to push him even further?
Buffalo: Just kidding. No one important goes to Buffalo.
Detroit: Say, isn’t getting about the time for them to go firing their coach again?
Jacksonville: It’s close to Gainesville, until the team moves to Los Angeles.
Washington: Tell me Dan Snyder hasn’t at least considered inviting Meyer to an overly expensive dinner.
San Diego/Houston: Only if these teams decide to not fire their respective head coaches after this season. And really, they SHOULD fire them. Like today. Today would be good.
Miami: Again, close to Gainesville. And what Ohio native doesn’t like ditching it for South Beach these days?
Chicago: If only for the comedy of seeing him go head to head with Jay Sulkyface.
New York Giants: Because Eli Manning was born to be a triple option quarterback.
So you see, there will be no shortage of options for Coach Meyer in 2012, should he choose to make his return to football. And he will. After all, there are only so many tandem bike rides you can go on with your old lady.