USPS Could Cut 1,000 Post Offices

Some may be near you!

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Hello friendly postman!

    So the U.S. Postal Service is in grave fiscal danger, facing a $7 billion potential loss for this fiscal year, and long-term destruction. If you're wondering why, then ask yourself: Do you use e-mail? Exactly.

    "Real Mail," where herds of ponies carry dead tree shavings across the American landscape, is for old people, and credit card companies. Specifically, old people and their credit card companies.

    Last week the federal government's General Accountability Office "added the Postal service to its list of troubled companies," making it the "California Condor" of public monopolies. In new testimony to Congress, Postal Vice President Jordan Small told legislators that the agency's cost-saving options include shutting down 700 to 1,000 of the nation's 32,741 post offices. A list of the honored nominees can be found here, at a website that is impossible to load.

    For you local old people who are worried about maintaining communication lines with your credit card companies, however, the Associated Press has tabulated the Death Number for Virginia: 19.

    Six are in Richmond, five are in Roanoke and two each are in Virginia Beach and Hampton. One office in Fredericksburg, Newport News, Norfolk and Chesapeake are also on a list of nearly 700 potential candidates sent to the independent Postal Regulatory Commission.

    Time to get one of those "Internet mail" boondoggles, old people in Virginia!

    Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate.