Maryland Considers Changing Anti-Lincoln State Song, Again

Apparently loving slavery and hating Abraham Lincoln isn't cool these days?

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    Oh come on, he probably thought the song was funny.

    An terrifying article appeared in the Washington Post this weekend entitled, "O Controversy!" It began as follows:

    Comes now debate of the state song

    Maryland! My Maryland!

    Seven years since it last came along

    Maryland! My Maryland!

    To some the song is out of date

    It speaks of Lincoln's threat to state

    And so they want to change its fate

    Maryland! My Maryland!

    No, this was not simply a cute opening to a news article -- it was the news article! This poetry gimmick went on for five whole Internet pages. So... uhh the Maryland state legislature must be thinking about changing its hilarious state song again!...??

    For those of you not in-the-know, the state song, "Maryland, My Maryland," is famous for its two magnificently dated pillars of comedy: (1) it is set to the tune of "O Christmas Tree" and (2) it was written in 1861 in an effort to get Maryland to join the Confederacy, because Abraham Lincoln was evil, and everyone wanted slaves.

    No seriously, the first line is, "The despot's heel is on thy shore." And the "despot" is Abraham Lincoln! It is really the best song ever, because of the terribleness. Just read stanza VI! MMHMM.

    As we learned from the Washington Post's poem, this is the first time an effort to dethrone "Maryland, My Maryland" has been taken in seven years. This latest try comes from Anne Arundel Del. Pamela Beidle, whose impetus for action was a group of fourth graders in Glen Burnie. They read the song and it made them sad! And Del. Beidle can't have any sad fourth graders in her district (they VOTE after all).

    Oh Pamela Beidle and her crazy liberal modern world, where people "like" Abraham Lincoln.

    Jim Newell writes old Confederate ditties for Wonkette and IvyGate