How To Use Metro Is Your New Bicycle

By Kriston Capps
|  Tuesday, Oct 26, 2010  |  Updated 8:34 AM EDT
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How To Use Metro Is Your New Bicycle

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Metro may never be the optimal system for conveying riders across the Washington metropolitan area, but it's a hell of a test for the powers of human observation.

Remy wrote a song skewering Metro and highlighted how annoying it is to have that godlike voice constantly asking whether that's your bag. Unsuck D.C. Metro exists solely to document whenever a brawl breaks out or a dog runs wild. But it took another site entirely to point out a completely common yet utterly appalling aspect of the Metro experience.

As How To Use Metro observes:

Those polls [sic] on a Metro car are back rests. Please spread your butt cheeks around them and lean against the entire thing so that no one else can hold onto it with their hands. Many need practice maintaining balance and prefer to get this practice on the Metro.

As commonplace as it is appalling. This writer has observed this gross phenomenon probably a dozen times and never thought about it -- and would prefer to be perfectly dumb to it in the future. Alas, How To Use Metro -- a meme along the lines of the Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle sites from a couple years back -- has pulled back the veil. There are some things that cannot be unseen.

Greater Greater Washington likes to look on the bright side of Metro, whether it examining the futures of Metro past or the future of Metro to come. Dan Malouff can't seem to figure out why people hate on Metro. Tim Krepp would even have you believe it is a fair question why tour groups can't use the Metro

There's your answer, Tim! Metro would be fine, if it were used for conveying something other than people around Washington.

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