UMD Students Will Watch As Much Porn As They Please!
Horny students will not let Sen. Andrew Harris legislate their pants
By JIM NEWELL
Updated 7:14 PM EDT, Mon, Apr 6, 2009
Last week, state Sen. Andrew Harris, perhaps out of boredom, went nuts after a few kids at University of Maryland, College Park, organized a screening of the porno Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge on campus. The fact that this dumb pirate sex movie was being shown in a university theater one Saturday night led Harris to threaten introducing legislation withholding the entire state funding of the university -- $424 million -- if they didn't cancel it.
Perhaps he was not invited.
UMD's administration agreed to cancel the screening before Harris got a chance -- as the General Assembly was trying to finish passing budgetary measures before the 2009 legislative session finished -- to close down the entire college, over a pornographic film showing. Many students were upset but simply stayed at home to watch their own personal pornography, on their computers.
But the public sex show must go on!
A group of students led by Terrapin junior Kenton Stalder -- a porn star's name if ever there were (not really) -- are organizing a second, unofficial showing of the film off-campus, perhaps at one of College Park's many fast food restaurants. To make the protest viewing seem fancy, Stalder is "inviting professors to moderate a discussion before the film on the free speech issues involved."
Along with the students, the professors are only accepting the invitations because they want to see the hilarious pirate sex.
Meanwhile, Andrew Harris will not stop talking: "Pornography is poison. They want to hook our kids on pornography."
"Our kids," in this situation, are adults, but nevermind. Enjoy the dumb pirate shenanigans, schoolchildren!
Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate.
First Published: Apr 5, 2009 10:22 PM EDT
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