Crazed Animal Stalks White House Corridors

President's "puppy" terrorizes First Family, tries to eat people

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    NEWSLETTERS

    He might look like a cute puppy, but this creature is an actual monster.

    The Obama family's previously happy life has disappeared forever. Their carefree together time, nights of peaceful sleep, days of fearlessly padding barefoot down the hall -- all ruined in an instant, the consequence of one bad decision. Now they spend their days -- and nights -- in mortal terror of a small but ravenous beast who prowls the hall in a savage quest for blood.

    Its name: "Bo," a variety of sinister Portuguese Water Hound who inveigled its way into their home after its first owner looked into those soulless black eyes and wisely cast it out. The beast was taken in by Ted Kennedy, who in turn passed it along to his "friend" Barack Obama.

    Obama thought he was getting a puppy. He got a lot more than that.

    First Dog Bo Arrives at White House

    [NEWSC] First Dog Bo Arrives at White House
    The Obama girls finally have the dog they were promised on election night.

    Now the president and his wife lie awake at night as they listen to the febrile skritching of a maniacal hell-hound chasing a ball up and down the hall, forever and ever, much like those creepy little girl ghosts in The Shining. The Washington Post reports:

    Bo even disturbed the repose of the president and his wife to the degree that they thought someone was outside their bedroom. "It was just Bo. He was playing with his ball."

    More terrifying still: the dog's appetite for human flesh, as a shattered Michelle Obama revealed to a crowd of children on Take Your Child to Work Day.

    "He's kind of crazy," she confessed. "He loves to chew on people's feet."

    There is a lesson here, America.

    The lesson is this: Never trust a Kennedy.

    Canine necromancer Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.