As the folks at “American Idol” reminded us constantly, this week was a Big Deal because only the top 10 finalists make it onto the summer tour, and whoever got sent home Wednesday would come in 11th.
You might ask, “Why doesn’t ‘Idol’ let all 12 finalists participate?” The answer, of course, is because then nobody would care who finished in 10th or 11th, and how would the show sell its quota of cars and Coke then?
Anyway, the person who will have to spend her summer singing at the local amusement park instead of on the modern carnival circuit is Paige Miles. I would have tagged that with a “Spoiler Alert!” warning, but what’s there to spoil? Did anyone really think she was going to survive her Tuesday night train wreck?
Even less surprisingly, the judges chose not to save her, though Simon Cowell did do her the courtesy of telling her in his usual kind and sensitive why there was no chance of that happening, before she could even get her hopes up. That sensitive Simon. Maybe he’s leaving “Idol” to devote himself to a career where he can insult people for more than three hours a week, like talk radio.
In fact, the whole show was boring and predictable. Tim Urban was in the bottom three, as expected. Katie Stevens was hardly a shocking pick to be the third member of that unlucky trio, and at any rate, Ryan Seacrest didn’t even make her sit in the Chairs of Shame before sending her back to safety. Ellen DeGeneres made the same joke riffing off Didi Benami’s name that she did a couple of weeks ago. Same old, same old.
Even the group sing came back, as the show cruelly got our hopes up by abandoning it last week before making the finalists strut around to Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.”
So as a public service to everyone who is now wondering why they bothered to sit through an hour of TV to get to the obvious result, here are the moments that were actually fun or unexpected:
- We learned that Siobhan Magnus’ fans in the audience call themselves the Siobhambies, and have fake blood on their face as part of the costume. At least, I hope it’s fake. Also, she has a boss who will not shave until she wins the competition. Pretty sure nobody is surprised by either development, but at least both are entertaining.
- Joe Jonas was one of the judges in Dallas who was responsible for Tim making it to Hollywood. When Ryan reminded him of that and pointed to Tim on the far end of the stage in the Chairs of Shame, Joe greeted the singer with “How’s it going, Tim?” Then he thought about it for a second and added, “I guess it’s not going that well.” That is 10 more words than Jonas said the entire day he served as a guest judge.
- Maybe there was something strange going on with the sound system, but Miley Cyrus, Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato would all have been strong candidates for the bottom three had they been contestants.
- Michael Lynche carries his baby in a Bjorn, which is as funny of a photo op as it sounds. Also, he doesn’t get to stay with his family while he’s on the show. As a father of two young children, I can say it doesn’t hurt his chances that he doesn’t have to wake up for any of the night feedings.
- When asked what her biggest problem is, Didi gave a long and rambling answer about not knowing what the judges want and she’s trying to please them and blah blah blah. When asked who she listens to when the judges disagree on their advice for her, Crystal Bowersox told Ryan, “Me.” That right there is a good illustration of why Bowersox is a favorite and Benami still a longshot.
That’s pretty much it, although Cyrus did say she disagreed with the judges on one point — she liked Tim’s slide on stage. And in hindsight, he did show good form there. If she gets him onto a Disney Channel show once he’s voted off, he’ll be a great addition to the Hollywood celebrity softball circuit.
Such dreams will have to wait, because he now knows he’ll be spending his summer on the “Idol” tour. But next week, he and the rest of the top 10 will be singing R&B and soul tunes with Usher. Fun times!