Punchlines ripped from the headlines

“SNL” and Tom Hanks Tackle Second Presidential Debate

Candidates get rough with one another in opening segment

By Patrick Hickey Jr.
|  Monday, Oct 22, 2012  |  Updated 7:44 AM EDT
View Comments (
)
|
Email
|
Print
Top Entertainment Photos

SNL

Tom Hanks takes his turn at the town hall. "Libya," he says.

advertisement
Photos and Videos
More Photos and Videos

The candidates nearly came to blows on "SNL’s" version of the second presidential debate, which also featured a cameo from Tom Hanks as an undecided voter.

Unlike "SNL’s" parody of the first debate in Denver, President Obama (Jay Pharaoh) wasn't suffering from altitude sickness.  
 
“This isn’t Colorado anymore Governor,” an energized Obama said, alluding to the first debate. “This is sea-level.”
 
Romney (Jason Sudeikis) was also in the mood to scrap, and noted that Obama's $400,000 salary is what he pays his cats.
 
"Why don’t you go sit down,” he said to Obama. “Before I beat you with my paycheck.”
 
Romney and Obama used every opportunity to interrupt each other and bicker, even on whether the outcome of a coin toss could be called luck.
 
The moderator, CNN’s Candy Crowley (Aidy Bryant), did her best to keep the two ruffians at bay.
 
“Governor Romney, I want to remind you that threatening the life of the president is a federal crime punishable by up to 10 years imprisonment,” she said after the pair’s tempers flared. “And for your part Mr. President, threatening a former governor of Massachusetts is a class-B misdemeanor, involving a fine of no less than $50 and no more than $150.”
 
That didn’t stop the two from going at it.
 
Romney’s five-point plan for the economy involved his fist. Obama’s plan only needed one point -- and one finger.
 
"The best part of my plan is that you can sit and spin," he said.
 
After multiple attempts at jockeying for position by both candidates and outrageous questions by undecided voters with heavy Long Island accents, Hanks asked the final question.
 
"This is really a pretty good question," Hanks said before fiddling with a piece of paper. "I just say by way of a warning -- you better buckle your seat belts because this question is about to blow your mind."
 
After changing to his reading glasses, Hanks finally said, “Libya.”
 
"SNL" made light of the moment when Crowley fact checked Romney on whether Obama used the phrase "act of terror" shortly after the Sept. 11 Benghazi attack by having Sudeikis say, "Candy no, no, no, come on. Candy please." 
 
Obama’s swagger-induced drop of the microphone and subsequent dust-off-the-shoulder swipe soon ended the segment.
 
Weekend Update host Seth Meyers later riffed on Romney’s recent success in polls.
 
First was the Gallup poll that showed Romney with a seven-point lead with likely voters.
 
“That’s right, Romney leads by seven points,” Meyers said. “Among people who still answer land-line calls from a blocked number.”
 
Romney’s 22-point lead with rural voters in battleground states was next.
 
“Rural voters say they can’t really put their finger on it, but something about Romney just feels right,” Meyers said, while a close-up shot of the candidates' skin colors appeared on the screen. “Probably just a feeling.”
 
With the third and final presidential debate set for Monday in Boca Raton, Fla., Meyers offered a few dos and don’ts for both candidates.
 
For Romney:
 
Do: “Mention you ran the Olympics, but don’t mention that it was the winter Olympics. The summer Olympics are a grand spectacle of sport. The winter Olympics is just 48 different kinds of sliding."
 
Don’t: “Smile so much. Your normal facial expression already looks like you’re shaming a waiter. When you smile, it looks like you’re about to tell dad it’s time to move into a home. And remember, you’re in Boca.”
 
For Obama:
 
Do: “Talk down to the American people. Stop assuming we know the issues as well. Most of us are dummies,” he said. “Half the country thinks Obamacare is who we call when our iPad stops working.”
 
Don’t: “Mention killing Osama Bin Laden anymore. It’s great and all, but Americans have a short attention span. At this point, saying you killed Osama Bin laden is like saying you won the second season of “American Idol.”
 
Meyers also announced that reality television superstar Honey Boo Boo endorsed Obama on the Jimmy Kimmel Show earlier this week.
 
“I know Obama was pro-birth control, but I didn’t know birth control was pro-Obama.”
 
The last segment of the show profiled an underground music festival that mocked the campaign, offering binders full of women, fake IDs from Hawaii and Ann Romney's horse.
 
Pop star Bruno Mars was the host and musical guest this week. Hanks also made a cameo as the late-Walter Cronkite and a possessed robot.

Get the latest headlines sent to your inbox!
View Comments (
)
|
Email
|
Print
Leave Comments
Join the Ride to Conquer Cancer
Join the Ride To Conquer Cancer, Sept. 13 Read more
Follow Us
Sign up to receive news and updates that matter to you.
Send Us Your Story Tips
Check Out