"American Idol" champion turned accused homewrecker Fantasia Barrino says her overdose was neither an accident nor a cry for help, it was a serious attempt to end it all.
"I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out," the 26-year-old singer tells VH1 in a new "Behind the Music" interview set to air tomorrow night. "At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that s---.
"I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills."
Barrino can thank her manager Brian Dickens for saving her life after the Aug. 9 incident. Dickens knew his star was depressed about her name and even a sex tape coming up in the divorce proceedings of her married boyfriend. But a message from her seemed alarmingly grim.
"Her emotions were extremely low," Dickens said. "She'd been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. Fantasia texted me, saying 'I love you.' I wrote back, 'I love you more.' Then it hit me."
"I wrote, 'You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.' And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, 'Already did.' I went into Fantasia's room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped."
On the 911 tape, Dickens can be heard telling a North Carolina emergency operator he moved Fantasia to the shower. He was told to get her out of the shower while EMTs made their way to the house. Fantasia spent two days in a hospital before being released.
"I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired," Fantasia recalled in the VH1 interview. "My head was hurting me. I was over it."
Although she's healthy again, the problems that drove her to the brink have not gone away. Barrino is now facing a possible suit from Paula Cook, the wife of Antwaun Cook. She has said she thought Cook was separated from his wife during their on-and-off yearlong affair.
It's unclear of Fantasia, who won season 3 of the Fox hit, is still involved with Cook. But he said through his lawyer that the marriage wasn't doomed by Fantasia.
"The failure of his marriage can in no way be blamed on anyone except the two people that were a part of the union - Paula and Antwaun," Cook's lawyer, Nicole Sodoma, said in a statement.
Cook's wife, however, stated in court documents that the couple split on June 16, 2010.
Fantasia, 26, was been spotted with Cook at a park near her home in North Carolina, with a camera crew for her VH1 reality show, "Fantasia for Real" reportedly in tow, according to People magazine. She has acknowledged dating Cook on and off for nearly a year, but says she thought he was separated from his wife.