Your “Top Chef” Championship Betting Odds

We’re three episodes into this new season of “Top Chef,” and it’s pretty easy to tell who’s going to be there at the end (Kenny, Angelo, maybe Kelly) and who will need to be tediously lopped off in the coming weeks (Hi, Stephen!). Three episodes is enough to get a good feel for the entire field, so let’s go ahead and play Reality Oddsmaker and size up the favorites and the, uh, nonfavorites.

THE HACKS

Stephen 500/1: He’s a goner. He easily would have been dumped last night had it not been for Tracey and her giant raw Italian sausage patties of death. But she needed to get the boot quickly. They’re dumping two contestants next week. They really should have done it last night. I’m not even sure Tracey was an actual chef. She might have been a roadie.

Tim 90/1: Every “Top Chef” season features a jolly contestant who talks up his food like it’s the best gosh darn home cookin’ you ever tasted. And it always turns out that they can’t cook AT ALL. Tim is one such contestant. He talks about special rubs and knowing all about the grill, and then he goes and gets outribbed by Cocaine Lady (NOTE: I’m calling her Amanda Cocaine Lady from now on, because she admitted a coke problem on last night’s episode and that made the Marisa Tomei lookalike 500% more interesting). Tim’s out.

Alex (80/1): That’s the bald dude with the glasses. He terrifies me. He looks at the camera like he’s stalking me. I wouldn’t be shocked if he were outside my window as we speak. OMG THERE HE IS!

Cocaine Lady (75/1): Amanda came through with her ribs last night (secret ingredient? COCAINE). But this is still the gal who thought serving kids sherry was a great idea. Join us next week when she crushes Ambien into a summer camp lunch bag.

Arnold (68/1): I know he won last night. But I’m extremely alarmed by some dude saying he doesn’t grill because it will clog his pores. The fact that Collicchio says the dude spends most of the time “in the front” of his restaurants is also terribly disconcerting. So he’s a maitre’d? Maybe Arnold hangs around a bit longer. But after that, he’ll be dispatched back to his eighteen restaurants, where he can mingle with the crowd and sing Streisand covers as he pleases.

Kevin (65/1): I think he might be better than he showed last night. Then again, I may be saying that only because he isn’t annoying.

THE WILD CARDS

Tamesha (65/1): Tamesha was one of those contestants last night who made something awful but was saved by the fact that other people managed to make something even MORE awful. She’s yet to show that she’s anything special. Nice glasses, though.

Tiffany (53/1): Oh hey, look! It’s one of the two people on this season that have an actual personality! I hope they keep Tiffany around just to make googly eyes at something horrible another contestant did/said/cooked.

Andrea (50/1) She seems nice. AXE HER. Top Chefs have to be KILLERS.

Lynne (40/1): She’s the old cooking instructor lady who’s remained in the middle of the pack for all three episodes. She has a very husky voice. If she were my gym teacher, I’d be very attentive. Anyway, she’s a cooking instructor, and cooking instructors never win these things. They also always feel the need to point out that they’re instructors. “Well, since I’m an instructor…” NO ONE CARES. MAKE WITH THE GANACHE LADY.

Ed (32/1): Ed has this great pedigree, but it was only in the elimination challenge last night that he showed some semblance of ability. Also, he’s pretty much exactly like every Boston resident I’ve ever met or ever will meet: pasty, dour, sarcastic without actually being funny. It’s like he brings a rain cloud with him anywhere he goes. And the whole MY DAD NOW SAYS I COOK BETTER THAN HIM thing was just weird.

THE FAVORITES

Kelly (10/1): She’s the one hogging cooking stations and announcing that the pork tacos WERE TOTALLY HER IDEA. I really wish Cocaine Lady were better than her.

Angelo (3/1): It’s already painfully clear that Angelo and Kenny will face each other in the finals. The question now is, do I find either of these guys anything less than insufferable? I dunno about Angelo. Never trust anyone who describes their food as “Sexy.” You never see serious chefs actually do that. It’s like a big warning sign saying I’M A LOSER. But the guy makes tasty stuff and there you have it.

Kenny (2/1): And here’s your champ. Like I said before, if he doesn’t make chocolate salty balls sometime this season, I’ll be bitterly disappointed.

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