Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and run an arms dealing operation out of your basement. Lotta money to be had in selling old Russian AKs to your local warlord. LET’S GO!
MILDRED PIERCE – 9:00PM Sunday (HBO) HBO may as well just show two hours of a dump truck being filled with Emmys. This miniseries comes to you in five parts, although two parts happen back-to-back tonight, which I think is cheating because it’s really only one part. Todd Haynes (“Far From Heaven”) directs Oscar winner Kate Winslet in this story of a mother whose daughter is, like, really really mean to her. I have a daughter, so all I know all about daughter-on-mother verbal abuse. “You’re yucky!” is one particularly overused bon mot. Also starring are Guy Pearce (he’s awesome) and Evan Rachel Wood (she frightens me). Expect lots of very pretty sadness. ANTICIPATION: PEDIGREED!
SHARK TANK – 8:00PM Tonight (ABC) ABC’s business pitch reality show is back, this time with nutty billionaire Mark Cuban in the fold. Tonight’s premiere showcases a lady who wants to start a toy renting business. Because why buy toys when you can rent them pre-boogerized and covered in pneumonia germs from a stranger? It’s a foolproof business model. ANTICIPATION: CASH!
NATURE – 8:00PM Sunday (PBS) Learn about the Outback Pelicans, birds that fly over 1,000 miles into Australia’s barren interior to feast on lake shrimp and fish. And watch them share child-raising duties with each other! Awwwwwww. Pelicans are the new penguins, people. You watch. ANTICIPATION: PELICANS!
600-POUND MOM – 9:00PM Sunday (Discovery Fit & Health) I wish I had had a 600-pound mom. Imagine what you could get away with. What’s she gonna do if you set off a cherry bomb in your neighbor’s toilet? Chase you? Fat chance! ANTICIPATION: SAD!
LISA LAMPANELLI – 10:00PM Sunday (Comedy Central) The bawdy comedienne takes on such original and totally fertile targets as Tiger Woods, “Jersey Shore,” and Lindsay Lohan. It’s the best jokes 2009 has to offer! ANTICIPATION: SWEARY!