Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV this weekend that may be worth putting off that camping trip for. Do you have a mat to lay your sleeping bag on? Gotta have that mat, or a rock will find the small of your back! LET’S GO!
THE PACIFIC – 9:00PM Sunday (HBO)
Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg bring you this sister miniseries to “Band of Brothers” that will feature the following things: Lots of reverential but awesome war violence, a great opportunity to showcase your home’s new surround sound system, you crying, and you feeling guilty that you are an ungrateful young punk who didn’t get to fight in such a noble war. Seriously, you Greatest Generation fanboys: IT’S NOT MY FAULT. I was born three decades after that war ended. I totally would have fought in it if the U.S. Army back then had they allowed notions of future children to fight. Stop making me feel like such a wuss. ANTICIPATION: BLOODY!
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE – 9:00PM Sunday (NBC)
Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagogimmesomemoney tries to win over Donald Trump’s heart by complimenting all the gold paint in his penthouse apartment. But let’s turn our focus to some of the less headline-grabbing stars from this new season. We have former pro wrestler Bill Goldberg. GOLDBERG! We have Daryl Strawberry, who may try and snort Donald’s hair. And we have Summer Sanders. Wearing a business suit. I feel funny inside. ANTICIPATION: YOU’RE FIRED… SUFFICIENTLY UP!
DINOSHARK – 9:00PM Saturday (SyFy – an NBC/Universal Network)
Honestly, do you need to know anything more than what’s been laid right out in front of you? It’s a shark. It’s a dinosaur. IT’S A FREAKIN’ DINOSHARK. Great White Rex! Jawsosaurus! How can you go wrong with such a hybrid? I hope Samuel L. Jackson shows up in a cameo, and then gets eaten. ANTICIPATION: DINOSHARK!
SONS OF TUCSON – 9:30PM Sunday (FOX)
In this new Fox sitcom, a man is hired by three young brothers to pose as their Dad. What happened to their original dad? Uh… best we not speak of such things (he was killed in an trampoline accident!). Most notable about this shpw is that it’s on FOX on a Sunday and it is NOT ANIMATED. Whoa there, Fox. What’s with this extra dimension? I’m gettin’ a little woozy here. Animation Domination now gives way to Live Action Satisfaction! ANTICIPATION: FOX ATTITUDE!
CUTTING EDGE 4: FIRE AND ICE – 8:00PM Sunday (ABC Family)
He’s fire! She’s ice! Together, they make a kind of tepid, slushy substance. ANTICIPATION: LOOK! AMERICANS DOING WELL AT FIGURE SKATING AGAIN!