In his first Presidents Race victory Wednesday, Teddy took advantage of interference from a phake Phillie Phanatic, who tackled George, Abe and Tom in the outfield corner before accompanying Teddy to the finish line.
Apparently, that wasn't the only advantage that Teddy used.
Duffy's Irish Pub in the U Street Corridor claims that Teddy was "pounding the Cortisone shots" Tuesday evening. Considering Major League Baseball's strict anti-doping policies, I'm surprised the league hasn't tested any of the Racing Presidents; they're freakishly huge and unless their swollen heads are the result of an overdose of nerve tonic, there is definitely something up.
By now, I hope you have realized that it's an incredibly slow sports news day (no D.C. teams are in action until Sunday) and that your tongue is firmly planted in your cheek.
The "Cortisone shots" that Duffy's is referring to is their own concoction, made with Jack Daniels, Jameson, apple schnapps and cranberry juice, and named after the injections that Ryan Zimmerman, Michael Morse and Ian Desmond have used throughout different parts of the season.
Zimmerman's cortisone injection in late June transformed him from one of baseball's worst hitters to one of its best in short order, so seeing it have the same effect on Teddy comes as no surprise.
But if a Whizzinator falls out of Teddy's uniform during the postseason, don't look at me.
Follow Adam on Twitter @AdamVingan and e-mail your story ideas to adamvingan (at) gmail.com.