Hey, hey, hey!
Today is "Fat Tuesday," a day of debauchery that provides one last respite before the first day of Lent tomorrow.
In New Orleans, Mardi Gras has already kicked off, but up here in Washington, I have decided to celebrate not by throwing beads at women on Bourbon Street (which actually happens every day, by the way), but by honoring some of D.C.'s fattest athletes. Phattest, too.
The Nationals' former first basemen once weighed in at 291 pounds. Dmitri is now out of baseball, but weight problems apparently run in the family; his brother, Delmon, recently signed a contract with the Philadelphia Phillies that will require him to weigh in six different times during the season. Each time he makes weight, Delmon will earn $100,000.
There might not have been a more embarrassing moment in D.C. sports in 2012 then when Blatche was listed on a box score as "NWT - Conditioning." A local gym then created a specialized workout just for the former Wizard. Blatche has since slimmed down and has caught on with the Brooklyn Nets.
Ovechkin is not fat by any means -- at least not now -- but remember that time before the 2011-12 season began when he did an interview and we spent months analyzing his gut and looking for parallels between it and his sagging performance? Then Ovechkin poked fun at himself and Ted Leonsis had to assure all of us that his superstar was in the best shape of his life? Priceless memories.
Hey, hey, hey.
Football is full of fat people. There have been plenty of big 'Skins that have had successful careers -- the original "Hogs" averaged 273 pounds -- but c'mon, there wasn't a fat guy worse than Haynesworth. Dude failed a mandatory fitness test several times before being allowed to participate in training camp. This was a man who signed a seven-year, $100 million contract, by the way.
Haynesworth also fell down during a game against the Eagles and seemingly couldn't get up, either because he was lazy or could not support his own body weight. Jury's still out.
William Howard Taft
The 27th President is now a Racing President, which makes him an athlete in my book. Taft was morbidly obese as Commander-In-Chief, suffered from sleep apnea and randomly fell asleep at public functions. He also got stuck in a bathtub, though that has recently been debated.
His giant likeness, however, is much more svelte, but he'll always be fat to me.
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